Scary Memories

The scariest thing i think about is that I don’t think I’d still be alive if I had not left school when I was 7.  When I was 7 I would put my head under the water in the bath and think about how wonderful it would be to not come back up.  But I did for one reason and reason only.  My family.  When I was under the water thinking about how wonderful it would be I always started to think about how sad they would be and I couldn’t do that to them, it would have been too selfish to ruin their lives to save me from mine.  Sometimes I’d think about how easy it would be to just step out in front of a passing car and never have to go to school again.  But I didn’t, I couldn’t do it to them.  I wonder how long I would have lasted through Secondary School though.  I really don’t know???? 

I’m in college now and happy but I never thought I’d be back in formal education.  I think that’s what brought these memories back.  One thing I’ll never forget, HOME EDUCATION saved my life.  Life doesn’t have to be about four walls and a desk, it can be whatever I make it, whatever I want.  I thank my mum so much for showing me that life’s worth living and for making it so.  I am so glad I didn’t make a stupid mistake when I was 7. 

One thing I can’t understand is how does a system prevail that makes 7 year olds give up on life.  It’s been quite a shock remembering it.  I mean how do you forget something like that. The Government is constantly trying to take home education away, anyone would think the system is like that on purpose.  If you are not likely to be a good zombie tax paying citizen they don’t want you anyway.  The system has to crush individuality.